2. If you feel attacked or criticized or shamed, if you find you have to plead with this person all the time or if you find yourself on the defensive a lot…your partner has an anger problem.
3. If you feel that you are pushed to the point that you have little control over anything, verbally or physically… your partner has an anger problem.
If you recognize any of the patterns it’s time that you realize that your relationship is over and you must get out. We tell women to leave all the time. Here is a signal for you not to be ashamed but to leave! Leave… it will not get better.
If these signs seem familiar to you, it’s a good bet you’re being verbally abused. And that can be difficult to convince anyone else of, because some identifying traits of verbal abuse include:
- It usually starts off with little stuff, then gets worse over time, so you get accustomed to it…and other people get accustomed to seeing you suffer it.
- It comes in many disguises.
- It consistently discounts your perceptions. No matter how cruel your partner is, she will deny that anything is wrong.
- Finally, physical abuse is always preceded by verbal abuse.
Verbal abuse is hurtful. Especially when it’s denied. Verbal abuse attacks your nature and abilities, usually so thoroughly that you begin to believe that there’s something inherently wrong with you, or that your abilities are actually failings. Verbal abuse may be overt (angry outbursts and name calling) or covert (subtle stuff, like brainwashing). Verbal abuse may be voiced in an extremely sincere and concerned way (like when she expresses her concern that you just aren’t capable of understanding finances well enough to balance your checkbook). Verbal abuse is manipulative and controlling. Verbal abuse is insidious — it destroys your self-esteem, it steals your self-confidence, it brainwashes you to try to change yourself to please your abuser, so she won’t hurt you anymore. Verbal abuse is unpredictable. No matter how intelligent, careful, or perceptive you are, she’ll always find a way to hit a blind spot you didn’t even know you had. Verbal abuse is the issue in the relationship. In normal relationships, arguments are over concrete things that can be resolved. In a verbally abusive one, there is no specific conflict – the whole point of any argument is to make you suffer.
If you need to talk visit: thehotline.org and get help!
Did You Know That Men Get Abused Too? was originally published on elev8.com
