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I am an aggressive and assertive woman, and I have been told that I have a lot of masculine energy. So I know that I have an issue with submitting to a man because I cling on to the negative connotation of it. I’m also one of those common Black girls stories where I grew up without a father in my home. So I never got to see the dynamic of a father and mother leading the household. It was always my mother at the head of my upbringing.

However, she had my oldest brother when she was 19, so they are close in age. So I was always taught to revere him as a father figure. So anything he asked, I obliged. Anything he taught me, I clutched tight and formed my behavior around it. He was my father representative and my mother treated him as such. Their relationship taught me submission, but it also confused me about the act because I saw my mother submit to my brother.

While I regarded him as an authority, but I didn’t like the feeling of his word being the law. And by my rebellious teenage years, I made sure I always went against being agreeable or submissive. I was combative, always questioning and never accepting his beliefs as law.

This has manifested itself in my adult relationships. As I mentioned before, I am an aggressive woman with sprinkles of masculine energy. I’m a fist-pumping independent woman and many times within my relationships, men complain about how strong-willed I am. (Gotta love the sugar coating).

I’m so busy trying to assert my power, I forget that he has power all his own that he feels uncomfortable displaying because I’m going above his head. From always deciding on where we’re going to dinner to asking him politely as possible to change into something more presentable, I’m always trying to be “bossy.” And that, my friends is not how a lady should behave if she wants to truly be with and stay with a man.

So, yes, now I know–submission is the key to a happy and healthy relationship and that doesn’t mean that I’m giving up my power. It means that I am using my power for the good of the relationship and creating an environment where the relationship can survive without stress.

What do you think about submitting in a relationship or in marriage? Let’s chat on Twitter!

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More On Mona Scott-Young:

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When Is The Right Time To Submit? [Part 2]

A Candid Chat With Mona Scott-Young: ‘No Matter How Much They Come For Me, I Stand Behind My Work 100%’

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Are Women Required To Submit To Their Men For A Successful Relationship?  was originally published on

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